I AM *THIS* CLOSE, MOLYNEUX: Fable: The Journey Announced For The Kinect, Face-Palming Ensues

So remember that time when Peter Molyneux created the Fable series and then ruined it with his convoluted bullshit ideas because he's Peter Molyneux and that's what he does? And then everyone wanted to set fire to his abode and place curses upon his kin, especially his little smartass, ginger son who whined to Valve about wanting Half-Life 3 because rich kids get everything they want, nyah nyah nyah? Yeah.

NOW PETER HAS GONE TOO FAR.

In my humblest of opinions, the Kinect is a big pile of flaming cow vomit and I'd rather stick my head in a hive of Magma Bees than flail around like an uncoordinated asshat. I don't want any game I love to turn into a Kinect-only title because I'll flip over tables in an uncontrollable Hulk-like rage tantrum. WELL, HERE WE ARE. No matter how much I bitch and moan about it, I LOVE the Fable series. I've put so many hours into those games -- hours that, if applied to medical research by someone a lot smarter than me, would surely have provided us with a cure for cancer by now.

But today, at the E3 2011 Microsoft Press Conference, we were introduced to Fable: The Journey, a retarded-looking no-one-cares RAIL SHOOTER for the Kinect. I just sighed so loud that every goth kid in America felt a little bit of my pain.

God. Help us.

Author: Lisa Foiles