‘Fellas Please, Can’t We Talk This Out?: EA And Steam Still Can’t Get Along

My lordy lord, if there is one thing that just breaks my heart, it's seeing two large video game corporations getting into a fight. No doubt you've seen this little tiff between Electronic Arts and Valve's online distribution service, Steam, escalate to levels of down-right silliness, but if you haven't, here's a quick recap in school playground terms:

Both EA and Valve were playing nicely with everyone, sharing their marbles and jump-ropes. But then EA decided they would rather go to another corner of the playground and have everyone come over to them to play stuff. So EA took some of its playthings like its "Crysis 2 Eazy-Bake Oven" and "Dragon Age 2 Paddleball Game" away from Valve, and moved them to a new spot in the playground. Some of the kids were angry and annoyed at EA for taking stuff from Valve and refused to move, claiming that their new spot was terrible in comparison. However a few decided to move over to EA's new spot.

EA has been telling everyone that Valve made them do it by making new rules about what they were allowed to do with their toys, but some people don't believe them and think this is just a clever ploy to try and make people move to EA's new spot. Now, as a final blow, EA has given Valve the cold shoulder and will not let them play with their new "Battlefield 3 Water Pistol" when they get it later in the year. This has made a lot of the kids angry. EA claim they want to make friends with Valve again, but Valve is just staying quiet about it whenever anyone asks them.

So really, no one quite knows who started it, but as tired mothers would say to two fighting children, "I don't care who started it!" All this means is that there is less choice for consumers, and that's never a good thing. To think, all this petty squabbling because of digital distribution. Wait, no, screw that, digital distribution only exists because of the internet, this is all the Internet's fault. Man, screw the Internet, the Internet sucks. I'm going to go smash my modem up with a hammer, and then maybe, MAYBE, EA and Valve will understand how serious I am about this.

Author: Alex