Dante: I’m too busy being shirtless to think of a name for my business!

	Chair: Ouch, you kicked me, but it was sexy!

	Arkham: I have weird eyes. Hi there, DANTE, SON OF SPAAAARRDDAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

	Dante: Hey freaky-peeps, if you gotta piss, go in the back. And stay away from my pizza!

	Amulet: Sparkle sparkle.

	Arkham: Your brother told me to Hulk-Smash your desk and give you these pet demons as an invitation to his Doom Party.

	Demons: Eat scythe, pretty boy!

	Dante: Let me pull a Fonze on this jukebox real quick so we can fight to metal! LET’S ROCK.

	Demons: Growl…

~DMC3~

	Virgil: I am brooding on a giant phallic tower. Arkham, did my bro have the shiny thing?

	Arkham: Yes. It looks quite fashionable on him.

	Virgil: Don’t be gay, Arkham.

~DMC3~

	Lady: *CRASH* MY MOTORCYCLE CAN FLY AND IS EXTREMERLY DURABLE!

	Dante: I’LL GYMNASTICS OVER YOU IN SLOW MOTION TO MAKE THIS SCENE EVEN MORE UNREALISTIC! Let's date.

	Lady: Taste rocket, Cockfag!

	Virgil: Looks like we have an uninvited guest. With boobs.

	Arkham: She has freaky eyes like me but is definitely not my daughter. *Cough*

~DMC3~

	Jester: YOO-HOO! WELCOME TO HELL! I AM UNBELIEVABLY IRRITATING!

	Dante: I hate you with all my hate. *KOW-KOW-KOW*

	Jester: WAH! I’M STILL COLORFUL.

	Rudra: Look at the pretty boy, Agni. Steroids much?

	Agni: Or perhaps his hyperviolent masculinity and theatrically-excessive styles are undercurrents depicting Kamiya's personal desire for such superhuman machismo.

	Dante: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Your synthesizer voices PISS ME OFF! *swishswish*

	Agni: Dick! He is the chosen one!

	Rudra: CAN GO WITH YOU?

	Dante: Shut your fat cake-holes! But sure. Why not. Just don’t expect to be shown in this game again.

~DMC3~

	Arkham: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my funky-eyed spawn.

	Lady: You killed my ma, you freaked-out maniac! Go to hell! I has gunnnsss!!

	Arkham: Book to the face!

	Lady: CRAP I FALLING.

	Dante: Hey, I can see up this rain’s skirt! Ow, it shot me in the head.

	Virgil: Dante! Admit my hair is better!

	Dante: Up yours! Also, this party sucks ass. Let’s kiss and make up.

	Virgil: MANLY FIGHT!

	Fan girls: *Swoon*

	Virgil: I can’t figure out why you don’t want mega powerz!

	Dante: Have I mentioned I don’t like you?

	Virgil: *STAB* NEENER NEENER I GOT UR NECKLACE. *STAB AGAIN*

	Arkham: Do you have the necklace?

	Virgil: …Yes? Did you not see all the stabbing?

	Dante: Since we’ve already established earlier in this game that stabbing me does nothing, I’M ALIVE, BITCH! Where you at? I’m cranky.

~DMC3~

	Red blubby thing: Blub. *BURST*

	Lady: That red blubby thing just birthed you!

	Dante: We should totally date.

	Lady: Ew, no. You smell like blood and beef.

	Dante: Pffh, whatever, LADY.

	Fans: OMG foreshadowing!

~DMC3~

	Nevan: I am a blatant rip-off of Poison Ivy. Wanna talk sensually and look at my boobs, Sugar?

	Dante: Does your back ever hurt from arching it like that, Schnookums?

	Nevan: Hell has amazing chiropractors, Teddy Bear. Also, I breathe electricity.

	Batman: Did I miss my entrance?

Dante: I kicked your dumb ass, gangrene whore! Now, turn into a completely useless weapon and say something with a clever double meaning.

	Nevan: I’m a guitar. And your father was a handsome devil.

~DMC3~

	Virgil: I have a strong suspicion that the girl with your identical eyes is somehow related to you.

	Arkham: Poppycock!

	Virgil: I grow weary of your ugliness. *STABBY STAB STAB*

	Lady: My teenage angst causes me to jump to conclusions! You killed my father and know nothing about family!

	Dante: Your sadness is super hot. But I’m outta here.

	Arkham: Mary, *glurgle* the devil made me kill your ma.

	Lady: I totally believe you! I hope not finishing you off doesn’t turn out to be a problem later.

	Fans: *Facepalm*

~DMC3~

	Beowulf: RAAWWRR!!! I kinda look like a cave troll but I’m NOOTTT!!!

	Dante: Didn’t your mother teach you how to use a door?

	Scriptwriter: …I was having an off day.

	Beowulf: You gots the stank of Sparda! Smells like bacon!

	Dante: Next time I’ll wear some cologne!

	Scriptwriter: …a REALLY off day.

	Jester: WAHAHA I’M BACK TO SAY SOME DIALOGUE THAT CONTAINS THE PHRASE THICK SHAFT!

	Fans: lolz.

~DMC3~

	Virgil: Stupid necklaces! Stupid blood! Why won’t you make evil magic go?!

	Dante: What’s wrong, cranky bear? Let’s fight more.

	Lady: I somehow knew to come here!

	Jester: Time to tan your hide good n’ proper, you meddling girl!

Lady: Holy bat shit! You are also my father! The audience totally didn’t see that coming even though you also have the crazy eyes!

	Fans: Well played, Hideki Kamiya. Well played.

	Lady: I guess I should have ignored my overly caring girl emotions and finished him off earlier.

	Dante: Yeeeahh... Stand back while I take care of this.

	Lady: No, YOU stand back.

	Dante: No, YOU.

	Lady: YOU!

	Dante: YOU infinity.

	Lady: Crap. Can has my giant gun thing, DANTE.

	Dante: Okay… LADY.

	Fan girls: Aww.

~DMC3~

	Arkham: You and your brother will NEVER defeat me!

	Dante: Virgil, let’s work together as brothers because it’s the predictable thing to do. Remember that thing we used to say?

	Virgil: PICKLEWEASEL!

	Dante: JACKPOT!

	Virgil: Oh. I meant jackpot.

	Arkham: Dammit, you defeated me. *Glurgle*

Lady: Ima kill you now for realsies! You’re the reason I have to wear colored contacts to look normal! *KOW-KEH-KOW-kehkow* Now I’m happy-sad.

~DMC3~

	Virgil: Gimme jur necklace, you selfish man-whore.

	Dante: I know you are, but so am I! *SWISH-SWISH-STAB*

Virgil: DAMMIT! Now I will plunge myself into hellish darkness because I’m evil but then rebel against evil because I don’t know what I want! No one hugs me.

~DMC3~

	Lady: Can has gun back?

	Dante: Can I perform some sexual favors in return for your gun-lending generosity?

	Lady: ...

	Dante: Don’t look at me because there’s rain all up on my face.

	Lady: You’re crying, you crying crybaby!

	Dante: That’s wack. Devils never cry.

	Lady: Ima say the title of the series now.

	Dante: *sniff*

	Fan girls: Awww it’s sweet because he has feelings but he’s a asshole.

	Dante: And now we FIGHT MORE!! KOWKOWKOWpewpewpewSWISH

Lady: Now I will attempt to connect this game to the first game while we all pretend the second game never happened. Dante named his business... DEVIL MAY CRY.

	Fan girls: Awww it’s sweet because that phrase was said a few sentences earlier. Can we play DMC4 yet?

Fin.

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