BLOG: Your Favorite Game Character Probably Needs a Shower
So the other day, I may have grabbed what I thought was a clean pillow case, only to realize the next morning that I was sleeping on something that smelled like warm ass. And because of this inability to recognize dirty vs. DIRTY laundry, I also woke up that morning with a giant cheek-raping pimple. It looks like a mosquito had sex with my face. But aside from my hygiene and lack of housekeeping skills, it got me thinking:
Main characters in most major video games HAVE to smell like absolute dog shit.
Engaging in all of the standard gym membership activities such as running, jumping, shooting, and axe-wielding, by level/area/chapter/act 3 they've likely built up an unholy funk. Most of these characters don't even change clothes through the entire game!
Take Mario for example. Dude has been wearing the same set of old ass overalls for 25 years now. Being a plumber doesn't help one bit, either. He probably started out smelling like a moldy storm drain, and has now added on two plus decades of Italian B.O. No wonder Princess Peach keeps getting captured. She just wants to avoid being downwind from Mario.
They should utilize this odor when creating a new outfit for Super Turbo Mario Universe 4. Mario's Stink Suit. He could kill the entirety of Mushroom Kingdom without lifting a finger.
Koopa 1: Sniff sniff. "Dude, what is that?"
Koopa 2: "I don't know. It smells like taco diarrhea mixed with spicy dirt."
Koopa 1: "Reminds me of Bowser's nutsac."
Koopa 2: "Uhhh... what?"
Koopa 1: "It's getting stronger."
Koopa 2: "Holy Hammer Brothers, it's Mario. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!"
And that's just one guy. Other characters who would be utterly ripe:
Master Chief, Link, Lara Croft, Nathan Drake, Dante, Samus, Solid Snake, Kratos, Max Payne, Shepard, John Marston, Altair, Conker... especially Conker. The unique combination of urine, puke, 151, and rodent wouldn't necessarily kill the curious cat, but it would take its nose.
During this writing, I didn't even think before I searched for pictures of "sweaty Mario." I don't recommend it unless you like looking at half naked Sicilians and/or Mario Lopez.
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June 3rd, 2011 - 20:34
this sounds like it could make a … interesting Top 5. Just saying.
June 4th, 2011 - 06:29
Id like to see that weirdly
June 5th, 2011 - 17:04
Actually Mario has changed his clothes, but its been quite a while. Remember, he used to have red pants and a blue shirt back then?
June 5th, 2011 - 22:37
Ok, ok. Well if you count Donkey Kong when he was still Jumpman wearing red overalls and a blue shirt and then move to Super Mario Bros. when he was wearing red overalls with a brown shirt and then move to Super Mario Bros. 2 where he was on the boxart with red overalls and a blue shirt but wearing blue overalls and a red shirt in the actual game which was released in 1988 which was 23 years ago which is almost 25 years which is 2 less than what I stated… *takes breath*…. then yes he has changed his clothes. :D
I like you.
August 7th, 2011 - 10:08
Video games have lasted for generations, but what is your favourite.
i want to know what your favourite console and your favourite game. Personally my favourite console was the ps2. It had thousands of amazing games but one stood out from the rest. Simpson’s Hit and Run, this game was amazing it had fun and challenging missions with a great story. and the game play was great it took me about six months to finish the game mostly because i was playing other games as well.
So please leave some feedback of your most favourite video game of all time!!!!